Break-ups are one of life’s most stressful blows and nearly all of us have felt the sting at least once. Can getting over a break-up work as fast as whipping off a Band-Aid? We asked licensed counselor and certified life coach Susan Costello for answers.

AC: What are some healthy ways to get over a break-up?
SC: A helpful way to get over your relationship is writing letters to the person. For example, write a letter in an email. Type your address in the “to” box, but don’t send (the email). Constantly communicate to yourself about how you feel. It’s like a catharsis with (your) feelings.

AC: Why is that helpful/effective?
SC: When you write the letter to yourself, you could come up with a list of reasons as to why you and your mate broke up. The letter brings out the wise part of yourself.

AC: Why are break-ups so hard on people?
SC: Having any type of loss is really hard so losing your partner is really no different. The more loss someone has the harder it is. It’s just really complex.

AC: Are break-ups harder on females or males?
SC: Harder on men. That is why they go out and get into another relationship more quickly.

AC: Is there a time period you should wait until dating again? Or should you date right away in order to be distracted?
SC: It depends on the individual. For some it’s easier to just date again. For others they have to lick their wounds and then move on.

AC: Can you still be friends with your ex-partner? What are the benefits/risks?
SC: You can, but you have to wait a while. If you’re friends right away, it’s fake or false. It’s based on hope. You can become friends, but you really have to get over the person before you are truly friends. There are no benefits to being friends. You may have to have a little contact in order to get over the situation, but you don’t need to be friends. You can’t really be friends.